Yesterday afternoon I attended a Revision Toolbox Workshop given by one of my favorite Masters of Fine Arts, Pamela Taylor. Since we kept the number of attendees small, we were able to go through one poem each and take the time to do revisions right there.
The poem I chose to submit, End of our Golden Age, was written on April 1st as part of the Poem-a-Day Challenge. I’d already offered it to one of my monthly poetry workshops where minor changes were made but I think I was still too attached to it to make the major changes it required.
After my fellow poets pointed out the “hot spots” and “cold spots” and we talked about various questions all poets should ask themselves during revision, the latest version emerged. What do my dear readers think?
We ravaged our hotel room
like an aging rock star
after a career
of gold records and groupies.
accomplishments both gory and glorious.
We flung our fellow men to the Moon,
our robots to the stars.
We tamed the wilderness,
consumed it whole
until Poseidon swallowed the seaside cities,
Thor hammered the flatlands
and Shiva burned the rest,
leaving our balding corpse
naked on the toilet,
still in our veins.